First the equating life to a contract is hardly a proper analogy. We didn't enter into the contract of living willingly. The early launching by our parents severely limits the options open to us for further development. Not only our genetics are preordained, but also the first education we receive as babes shapes our personalities and interests. Beyond the conditions of our early home, the geographic place on this planet and the national situation at the time of our birth all determine to a large extent the way our life will develop. Biologically our main purpose is to reproduce. And our children give us a kind of immortality that extends beyond the limited span of days that no single human life can exceed. As we grow older we generally become less physically attractive and weaker. We see our parents and friends die and, we take part in the game of life that always defeats the individual. Is this "tragic sense of life" the only true interpretation? No, life can give great satisfaction to men and women is spite of the harsh boundary conditions. There is no point in sulking over the finite slice of life we estimate lies ahead of us. Each moment can be savored and our efforts and plans are usually rewarded. We must make way for the new generations and a better system for succession than aging and death is hard to imagine. Each phase of our life has its peculiar opportunities and delights. We have some capabilities to steer our course. Within these same constraints other men and women have led beautiful lives full of happiness and accomplishments.
Thoughtful persons examine models for living and the recipes for the pursuit of happiness and fulfillment. Once headed along one of these roads we need to have in our travel bag some remedies for failures and crises when they occur. Selecting the course of travel is an important act that we repeat several times during our lives. Our attitudes and abilities to recover from misfortunes and mistakes determine how much we will enjoy the journey. Some little hints for making the trip more pleasant are sketched below.
What are the main goals that most people in our culture strive for? Money and the ostentatious enjoyment and display of homes, cars, and the benefits of wealth are perhaps the most popular quests. Americans especially like to be secluded in luxury and want the financial security and medical care that money buys. Many, however, put self-improvement first with musical or athletic achievements, for example, as their primary objectives. Some seek fame and a kind of immortality through politics or the publishing of books. A few are scholars and love learning, languages and discipline. Many are true altruists and give their lives to helping the great army of poor folks or to some cause like the prevention of wars, often under the banner of a religion. For a great many the biological fulfillment of children, family, and home is the main objective. These general goals are not independent, of course, and it is possible to be rich, scholarly, a parent, famous, and a true philanthropist! It is the pursuit of life's prizes that is important. In these engagements our precious time flies by and we can, for fleeting moments at least, see meanings. Actions stimulate and teach. If we aim for worthy goals that we can realize, and it isn't always easy to judge this matter in advance, our life has purpose and may be of benefit to others. Goals frequently change at different stages of our lives as wisdom grows.
What other choices are there? We can of course reject the "contract" or cop-out with a life of idleness and complaint. We can end it all by suicide, or more slowly by drugs, or alcohol. These terminations are all too often chosen. Such solutions are all "false friends" and they only compound our difficulties and cause terrible pain to family and friends about us. But even for those who elect to strive there are times of disappointment and even despair. It is then we need some "band-aids" to buoy up our spirits and courage.
OK, what are the remedies that people use when they are feeling low? What are the preferred methods for altering sad moods that have proven valuable to others?
A smile can be a potent medicine. It is contagious and the people seeing it reflect happiness back onto us. Some people have great talent for inducing cheerfulness. It is worthwhile to develop this kind of self-deception! It is a umbrella that helps us turn away adversities. A sense of humor is a wonderful asset. We must learn not to take ourselves too seriously.
Many people find that singing or whistling helps. The songs need not be happy ones. After the Civil War many very sad songs appeared that had a healing effect on the grief caused by that fratricidal tragedy. Music either happy or melancholy seems to reach within our souls and give us comfort and courage.
The world of nature that surrounds us can provide salubrious balm to our aching spirit. Our senses of sight, hearing, and smell are all tuned exactly to respond to the beauties of fields, forests, and lakes. Weather is an important influence on our moods. Remember then to wait for the sun to shine and springtime to cycle back to us. Get outside for even rain and snow have appeals that heal our mind. This resource-- nature--is free, near, and abundant.
Our physical and mental conditions are closely connected. Physical exercise directly and immediately affects our mental outlook. The workout on the tennis court, the mile walk, an hour of hoeing in the garden can immediately cheer us. These remedies if done regularly build up our muscles and contribute positively to both our mental and physical health. Unfortunately those who need this medicine the most find it hardest to begin and continue programs of physical exercise.
Crying and tears, if done briefly and in private, have a natural therapeutic effect that relieves us of sorrows. Children weep instinctively for help and generally their tears incite sympathy. But public tears by adults are often thought to be a ploy for sympathy or a sign of weakness. Unfortunately, for some this remedy is not available and in some mental states this kind of balm seems to be denied.
The simple technique of finding a friend to talk to, perhaps not about the present trouble, often has curative power. We are social creatures and profit by seeing how others view things. Becoming a recluse or misanthrope is a common reaction to sorrow or trouble. But generally it is the wrong answer. We need to see that we are not alone on this pilgrimage and, by sharing our experiences with others, we often solve our problems and find a new sense of contentment.
A "good" spouse is the crowning jewel of life showering love, help, and companionship on marriage and home. The "goodness" of the spouse depends almost entirely on the unselfishness, faithfulness, and consideration shown by the other spouse.
Often getting busy with tasks at hand has a prophylactic effect on our mental state. Action is the antidote of fear--and also of the blues. Even when brooding seems the natural reaction to sorrows it is far better to go back to work and involve the mind and body in activities. Here daily routines--newspapers, radio, television, and telephone calls put us back in touch with the familiar, happier patterns of life.
The classic handling of grief or loss is to take courage and treat the matter as a stoic. We hear words like "take your medicine like a man" and "be a good soldier" in times of trial and stress. Such advice has some value. We can try to rise above the crises by drawing on our reserves of courage. Proverbs too reminds us that trouble like all things is temporary and will pass away. For many people this "by your own boot straps" approach to despondency is sufficient.
A paradoxical formula for happiness exists, but it might as well be secret because very few people find it. The magic prescription is giving of one's self and property to others. These happy people are guided by the motto, "Never resist a generous impulse". It is strange that generosity, a behavior completely contradictory to the tenets of our greedy culture, produces such inward joy for this minority.
Many of life's problems yield to direct assault. By working directly on the problem we may solve it or lose fear of it. Often too conflicts with other people can be resolved by discussions. The adversaries may not be so unreasonable or we may have misunderstood them. By not running away or ignoring worries we may gain immediate relief.
Then there are problems that only time will cure. For these there are non-destructive escape routes that can be taken--a good book, a movie, travel and even sleep can help. Changing the scene by a trip or attending a play, concert, or sports event can change our outlook on things. Hobbies can divert our minds and engage our talents. Pets are often sympathetic friends that seem to understand our moods. These things can fill up the intervals of time until the storms pass.
For many prayer has great power to overcome cares and grief. We become as trusting children again not asking why it happened but only for consolation. We turn to God and dump the load at his feet. In this act we purify our minds and purge ourselves of resentment toward others. In the privacy of our room we become completely honest and confess our faults. We see events in an eternal perspective and get strength to redirect our course toward transcendent goals. Forgiveness, joy, and thankfulness are the frequent attitudes resulting from penitent prayers.
When these kinds of self administered remedies don't suffice then turning to outside assistance may be necessary. Quite frequently mental ills and pathological fears are caused by organic diseases or chemical unbalances. Psychiatric help can treat these diseases effectively with medicines and also provide evaluation of the emotional conditions. Tranquilizers and other drugs used temporarily under competent supervision can be of great help in crisis. Doctors not only use medicines but also understand the efficacy of many of the behavioral techniques for treating mental suffering and depression.
There are many other professionals to turn to also in times of emotional stress. Psychologists and other counselors in special problem areas like divorce and alcohol are available. There are support groups too like alcoholics anonymous that provide proven help for certain difficulties.
The most available counsel in times of trouble comes from ministers, priests and rabbis. These men are familiar with the trials of the human condition and generally offer sympathy and the wisdom of ancient religious faiths as guides for living.
Pain and suffering are part of this "involuntary contract". They too teach us much and strengthen our character. They keep us from repeating foolish acts. It is by contrast to suffering that we appreciate pleasures. Life is like it is--and as we perceive it to be. We must learn to adjust to its rigors and help the other travellers along the way.